cigars and tobacco

Mark Twain Stories and Speeches

Stories by Mark Twain - aka Samuel Clements

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americans and the english
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authors club
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booksellers
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carnegie the benfactor
cats and candy
charity and actors
china and the philippines
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college girls
compliments and degrees
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daly theatre
day we celebrate
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die schrecken
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disappearance of literature
dress reform and copyright
dr mark twain
educating theatre goers
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education and citizenship
fulton day jamestown
galveston orphan bazaar
general miles and the dog
german for the hungarians
girls
henry irving
henry m stanley
in aid of the blind
independence day
introducing nye and riley
joan of arc
ladies
laymans sermon
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lotos club dinner
mark twains first appearance
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missouri university speech
mistaken identity
morals and memory
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municipal government
new german word
new york press club dinner
obituary poetry
old fashioned printer
on stanley and livingston
osteopathy
CIGARS AND TOBACCO

My friends for some years now have remarked that I am an inveterate
consumer of tobacco.  That is true, but my habits with regard to tobacco
have changed.  I have no doubt that you will say, when I have explained
to you what my present purpose is, that my taste has deteriorated, but I
do not so regard it.

Whenever I held a smoking-party at my house, I found that my guests had
always just taken the pledge.

Let me tell you briefly the history of my personal relation to tobacco.
It began, I think, when I was a lad, and took the form of a quid, which I
became expert in tucking under my tongue.  Afterward I learned the
delights of the pipe, and I suppose there was no other youngster of my
age who could more deftly cut plug tobacco so as to make it available for
pipe-smoking.

Well, time ran on, and there came a time when I was able to gratify one
of my youthful ambitions--I could buy the choicest Havana cigars without
seriously interfering with my income.  I smoked a good many, changing off
from the Havana cigars to the pipe in the course of a day's smoking.

At last it occurred to n1e that something was lacking in the Havana
cigar.  It did not quite fulfil my youthful anticipations.
I experimented.  I bought what was called a seed-leaf cigar with a
Connecticut wrapper.  After a while I became satiated of these, and I
searched for something else, The Pittsburg stogy was recommended to me.
It certainly had the merit of cheapness, if that be a merit in tobacco,
and I experimented with the stogy.

Then, once more, I changed off, so that I might acquire the subtler
flavor of the Wheeling toby.  Now that palled, and I looked around New
York in the hope of finding cigars which would seem to most people vile,
but which, I am sure, would be ambrosial to me.  I couldn't find any.
They put into my hands some of those little things that cost ten cents a
box, but they are a delusion.

I said to a friend, "I want to know if you can direct me to an honest
tobacco merchant who will tell me what is the worst cigar in the New York
market, excepting those made for Chinese consumption--I want real
tobacco.  If you will do this and I find the man is as good as his word,
I will guarantee him a regular market for a fair amount of his cigars."

We found a tobacco dealer who would tell the truth--who, if a cigar was
bad, would boldly say so.  He produced what he called the very worst
cigars he had ever had in his shop.  He let me experiment with one then
and there.  The test was satisfactory.

This was, after all, the real thing.  I negotiated for a box of them and
took them away with me, so that I might be sure of having them handy when
I want them.

I discovered that the "worst cigars," so called, are the best for me,
after all.

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union right or wrong
university settlement society
votes for women
waterson and twain as rebels
water supply
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